“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17

Resolving Conflicts with Spiritual Authority. Conflicts are inevitable in any community, including the church. Matthew 18:15-17 provides a model for resolving disputes, emphasizing the role of spiritual authority in the process. It’s about seeking reconciliation and truth, not exerting control or power.

People often ask me: “Do I have to tell someone I’ve forgiven them?” My answer is “Sometimes.” (How’s that for a definite answer?) Every situation is different. Only the Lord knows what’s required of you to set you completely free. So ask him. “Lord, do I need to go in person to tell them I’ve forgiven them or apologize? Do we need to communicate and work it through?” 

Sometimes He will impress upon your heart that it’s necessary. If He’s prompting you to do that, don’t fight it. He’ll be there to help you, and it will lead to your freedom. It can turn out better than you even expect. The Bible even gives us instruction how to approach someone who has done us wrong. (Don’t you love how applicable the Bible is?) Matthew 18:15 says: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 

After you’ve prayed and forgiven someone, if the Lord instructs you to approach them, notice there are several steps to this face-to-face deal. First go and tell him (or her) “between you and him alone.” We humans don’t usually do this. If someone does us wrong, our first inclination is to tell someone else, because we want to assemble a team that’s “on our side.” Sadly, that’s completely unscriptural. 

If that doesn’t work then verses 16-17 say to take someone along to confront them. That doesn’t mean to take someone who’s “on your side.” It means take someone who is mature, godly, able to see both sides, and who may act as a mediator or peacemaker between the two of you. 

The third step is go to a higher authority, but only after you’ve tried the first two! The Bible says that’s the church, but it can also apply to the boss, the governing organization, the parent, etc. Sometimes you don’t have to have any contact at all in order to forgive. While confronting is sometimes very necessary to the process, sometimes it’s not. This is where you pray and ask God what you need to do. He will always steer you right. His only goal is your freedom.

If a professed Christian is wronged by another, he ought not to complain of it to others, as is often done merely upon report, but to go to the offender privately, state the matter kindly, and show him his conduct. This would generally have all the desired effect with a true Christian, and the parties would be reconciled. The principles of these rules may be practiced everywhere, and under all circumstances, though they are too much neglected by all. But how few try the method which Christ has expressly enjoined to all his disciples! In all our proceedings we should seek direction in prayer; we cannot too highly prize the promises of God. Wherever and whenever we meet in the name of Christ, we should consider him as present in the midst of us. Bible Hub